Religion Old and New
Thursday, Feb. 21, 2008, 15:34

Aside from a nervous stomach, I have made it through the week. Edwin leaves tomorrow, and I am taking the children to the base to see him off. I feel like a bad wife because right this moment I am looking forward to his departure. I guess it's just the whole independent nature of Leo's -- especially since I know that Edwin is looking forward to tomorrow as well. What can I say, we love each other, but we also like being on our own every now and then.

On a more solitary note, I have been feeling a pulling of sorts on my spiritual self. Not only am I in no hurry to find a church to attend, but I am also in no hurry to embrace the Baptist religion. Although I was baptized when I was 13, I have never really felt at home in that atmosphere. And, as much as I am still partial to Catholicism, I no longer feel the need to become a devout Catholic. These two religions aside, my spirit seems to be pushing me towards another religion - witchcraft.

I do not understand why the need is there, or why it is so great, but there it is all the same. In fact, it is so great that I even asked Edwin what he thought about me possibly embracing the craft, and although he was hesitant to put his thoughts to words, he did tell me that it would not change his feelings about me - so no worries about a pending divorce. Of course, it must be said that this idea did not just come to me... in fact, I have always had a fascination with the craft, but I have never acted upon my desire to practice.

Truth be told, I am writing these thoughts here, in my online diary, because I have to get the words out of my head. I have no one to really talk to about this decision (even though I have at least three friends who have practiced the craft at one time or another), and except for a couple of friends in Charleston, I am afraid to even speak of my desires to my family and long-time friends. Part out of fear that they would laugh or shun me, and part out of a need to keep this part of my life a secret.

I am hoping that I can talk my in-laws into taking the children for the summer, as this will allow me some quality "me" time, but also because it will allow the kids to be with their grandparents (who just happen to live over 10 hours away). If I am lucky, I will be able to truly "find" my self this year... and by "find" I am referring to the part of me that isn't the wife and mother. Sadly, I do not believe that I have ever truly allowed that part of me to come out, and I cannot help but feel that it is past time to get to know my self.

~Blessed Be

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